I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
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