maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
