guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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