I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
