is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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