Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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