i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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