i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
