My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
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the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
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