Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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