He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
