just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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