I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
These People Had Regrettable One Night Stands
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
This Girl Makes Latte Art That’s Too Cute to Drink
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.