Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
