wakey wakey hands off snakey
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
25 People Confess Their Terrifying Stalker Stories
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
27 Times The Kardashian-Jenner Clan Absolutely Slayed at NYFW
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE