Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
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He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno