This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.