Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
27 Common Occurrences Everyone Can Relate To But No One Talks About
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
21 People Intentionally Did Despicable Things During Sex
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly