i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
please come you make the beer taste better
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
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Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
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I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.