Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Contemplating These 27 Questions Will Make Your Brain Explode
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
25 People Confess The Most Shocking Things They’ve Ever Seen In Public
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza