I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.