a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
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Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
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I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?