I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I wish my penis had an off switch
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
