All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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