So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
