you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize