you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
porn star boner night. come get it.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
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