i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
That accounts for only three of the penises
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
You were trust falling into bushes
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
