Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I am never drinking with the goths again.
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