he shaved USA in his pubs
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize
