he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
