I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Randomize
