His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
