Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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