Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
