You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize