i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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