1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
