I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
