woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
