OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
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I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
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Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
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