Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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