I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
