I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
