I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
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