is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Randomize
