Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
