If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Randomize
