Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Randomize
