Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
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All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
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When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
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