I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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