im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
