I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
