The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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