I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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