i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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