who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
