Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
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He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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