the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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