i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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