i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
