She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Randomize
