Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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